I'm a bit reluctant to go around announcing too much yet, because this would hardly be the first time I've had an idea and ultimately failed to follow through with it, but! I've decided to try and update this journal a lot more regularly, mostly as a means of getting myself a little bit more active online again. Let's keep this super simple though! Bullet points are fine enough, especially for right now when I'm tired anyways, hahaha.

• So I've been failing to keep up with friends online for the past... ages... and I'm hoping this will be a good step toward trying to repair some of that damage. I'm pretty tired of being so distant from everyone :<

• To that end, I'm also looking for a new job. I'm really... physically and emotionally exhausted from working where I do at this point. It's never been what I'd call a dream job, but it's never been as bad as it is at the moment. There's a whole lot I could say and I don't really have it in me to do so, haha... but maybe sometime soon! At any rate, the quest for Better is under way.

• So this hasn't been the most exciting update to introduce this whole exciting concept with, hgsjasdaj hahaha. But hey, I'm tired, and I'm already glad to have just written this little amount, so I suppose this was worthwhile.

... i'm excited to use my icons again though, hahaha. THAT'S THE IMPORTANT PART, RIGHT?

OH YEAH, and public service announcement: Noah (2014) is a terrible film. Surprising, I know.

Are ginger biscuits an acceptable breakfast? I hope so.

Yesterday was bad. Last night, I guess. I'm not really sure what happened, when it happened, it was just a bad time. I don't know, haha... but let's talk about last day or two, whatever.

Mazey Day isn't the same any more, and I don't really care about sharing it with people any more. Which is itself kind of painful, but that's the way it goes. I am too young to be thinking of my town in terms of "the good old days", but it has visibly and economically deteriorated in the past several years and Mazey Day is a strong indicator of it. The parade is still nice, and it... well, it's not like it's a bad day now. But I just remember so much that isn't there any more, that doesn't happen any more, and I think about all these hopes of sharing my silly little town festival with people I care about and now all I can think is, 'I don't really want them to see it like this though...'

I felt awful last night. I know I sent a message to shinsengumi on my phone and then fell asleep holding it. I know this because I got a message from one of my staff members at 3am. She couldn't sleep, stressed and panicking about the state of things at work right now. What can I do? I'm not the manager. I'm exhausted with it myself. God.

Our current manager (who is not very good) is planning to leave. He's been quite vocal about it, apparently, if it's upset her. He isn't bothering with all the paperwork any more, just dropping anything he thinks he can get away with not doing. He wants out, which is making him negligent. Our stock room is a huge mess at the minute (no, seriously), and she doesn't know if we'll get it all ordered and tidied before the delivery on Wednesday. I know we will. If it comes to it, I'm the mook who'll be staying behind out of hours to make sure it's all in line.

Our work experience girl went for her lunch break on Friday and didn't bother coming back. That seems to be the amount of respect I garner from people, hahaha. Fascinatingly, she came back on Saturday and tried to argue that she couldn't remember anything at all from the previous afternoon, gee. That was the story she decided to go with. Marvelous. Well, whatever, she's been told not to bother coming back again, which is one relief at least because I wouldn't have her working under me again.

I have to leave for work now really, haha. Current manager has taken this coming week off (not without a good reason, but the timing sure is fun), so... I don't know. I just have shivers. If he leaves now, are they going to try and tell me I can't go anywhere in August? What if they haven't employed someone new by then? What if they really try to pressure me into taking the managers position? I don't want it, I won't be made to, but what's that going to do to my standing in this godforsaken company? Oh crumbs, I just. feel like sitting here, not leaving. Just not showing up. I can't do that. I really have to go.

I have started playing Radiant Historia, I really like it a lot. Maybe I'll update about that later, something far more interesting and far less whining, haha.

( More about recent home events. )

I think this is the last time I'll have much need to talk on this, you'll be happy to hear. I feel like I have... spoken on it too frequently and at too much length as it is, though perhaps that is just my stupid getting ahead of me. I do think, after all, this is only the second public update. If you are not V.S. or Tibastian I do not suppose you have heard much at all. Ahh, well. At any rate.

Meanwhile, life has been busy enough, but not bad. Working a decent amount, I should be grateful for it really! And really, it hasn't been bad. And I've been having the most wonderful time with my RP, with War and with the Games, ahhh, I do not have much room to complain. I apologise for not updating more often, for generally updating morose when I do. I am going to London MCM Expo at the end of this month, perhaps I will make a more interesting update then...!

Today, at work...

( Just a little bit of talk about self-identification. It has no 'point', I'm afraid. )

I apologise, this really doesn't have any particular point. It's just something I feel a little better for articulating, and what is this journal for if not helping myself out when I need it, right?

Meanwhile, I need to get many icons. I have paid account, I must use icon slots. (Because what ELSE do we buy these things for, right?)

I have applied for several jobs over the past couple of months, hoping to either replace or at least supplement* what I currently have. Yesterday, at last, all that applying finally paid off. Holland & Barrett called back to say "Congratulations, come in tomorrow and we'll give you your uniform and organise your training". 'Hooray!', I said to myself, 'Success at last!'

They actually kept me in there all day! Working! On the shop floor! USING THE TILL. It was very scary! I failed customer queries! I cleaned the stock room, rotated stock, made things clean! Panicked so much! So much you guys.

So, how do I feel about it? Doesn't matter, it's a good job and I need the work. But all the same, I can happily say the other staff are really nice. I'm... extremely intimidated about working with people, and interacting with the public, but that's okay and expected. The thing is, I have a lot of learning to do. I don't mean in terms of retail itself, I mean in terms of health. You need to know a lot. In fact, I think only examples can really clarify this.

Here are some completely randomly selected questions from my 183-page long Product Advisor Workbook.

( What is the difference between omega 3 and omega 6 fatty acids on a cholesterol lowering diet? )

And so on and so on and so on. 183 pages of this for me to fill out, and the strange part is... they don't provide you with any information at all. The answers aren't enclosed in any shape or form. No reading material is given or even suggested. Zilch. You're supposed to learn all this on your own time with your own resources. It's mandatory. Oh, and yeah, I have another 180 page book upstairs to complete after this one.

... a lot of learning. I feel like I should get some sort of qualification for the sheer volume of work they're asking for here. I don't strictly speaking mind it, but... it is just so much work. I'M JUST HAVING TROUBLE GETTING MY HEAD AROUND IT.

One thing I did learn today, though, is that people believe what they hear in the news or see on television a lot more than I'd previously realised. So many people came into the store looking for Vitamin D tablets today, because a television programme last night said it could help slow/prevent dementia and the like. I would never have expected people to react that quickly and that strongly, given how we're saturated with announcements of how X causes This whilst Y might help combat That. Perhaps I am too cynical. (I don't think so, though.)

At any rate, I'm working again thursday, and again saturday. For the time being (at least the next two weeks), I'm going to try and sustain my cleaning job as well. I suppose we'll see how things go and decide how to proceed when we get there. At any rate, though, that is my absolutely hideously staggeringly boring update for you!

*I would not have selected that word before today. My work is already influencing me!
** The answer was disappointing. Turns out, marshmallows aren't just fluffy cubes of confectionery deliciousness.

I wasn't gone long at all, barely more than a day. 'Gone' in this context amounts to 'not on the internet', so really, where am I getting this need to update?

Except, I think I know where. It's still under my skin. ( This post is for my own benefit, and if you want a quick summary? It always comes back to fire. )

Of course, I'm logical enough to get that that's a foolish way to feel. I should really content myself with the fact I didn't get in any kind of trouble for disrupting the video. It was all but over by that point anyway, I just sat there with my eyes on the ground and my shoulders hunched, and no one said anything to me for a while. We got on to reporting accidents, things got better.

I was going to update with some stuff about Code Geass and Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, you know, but. I think, really, I just want to make this update and leave these words expressed and behind. Selfish & sick, foolish thoughts.

Training is done! Or at least customer service training is. It was a terrible miserable freezing cold waste of my time, but it is done and I am pleased. Health & Safety on Monday, which I think is the last of it. Work itself starts.... in the future. I still don't actually know, how tragic is that. The week after next, though, I believe. I suppose I shall see soon enough!

For something completely unrelated, I am quite excited for this! I don't know if I'll actually have time to play tomorrow (and there is a tragically high chance that I will just become too nervous and not attend anyway), but right now I am quite enchanted by this. Just seeing people trying to plan a PvP-RP event on this lovely puny server is enough to make me smile, really.*

Argh, so tired again, this is lame. A few early mornings shouldn't do this. I'm also hungry. HOW CAN I RECONCILE THESE TWO THINGS....

Incidentally, the problem with uploading ten thousand Ravenous icons out of nowhere? THERE'S NOT A WHOLE LOT OF SMILING IN THIS FILM. Or not of the. non-manical variety, anyway. /KEEPS MAKING ICONS...

*edit; Just checked: 3pm server time is my 11pm. That should be fine, but I thought it was a little earlier than that! Slight sadface... >:

Today was my first day of training for my new part-time job. It's not an exciting job, just cleaning caravans two days a week, but if training is needed then so it goes. ... Unfortunately, it was a really terribly dull day. I don't honestly feel like I gained anything. It was all customer service based, which seriously has no bearing on cleaning accomodation. I don't really care about the company's mission statement, sorry, not gonna lie. YOU ARE A HOLIDAY PARK. NO ILL WILL, BUT I'M NOT EXACTLY INVESTED IN THIS.

But yes, it was a lot of 'get into groups and write on this big piece of paper'. Examples of good body language, all that sort of thing. They repeatedly gave us far too much time as well, so there was an awful lot of thumb-twiddling. Ehh, I'm not exactly looking forward to going back again tomorrow. I tentatively believe it'll end earlier tomorrow, though. Or at least that's what I'm hoping!


In other news, I just broke my necklace. Or rather, my other necklace. That makes it both in less than a fortnight. I am suddenly without a celtic symbol! This is unusual and disheartening. sadfaec.

At least I has cannibals.

• Today, I am testing DreamWidth crossposting! What will happen?!?!?

I don't... I honestly can't say whether I'm planning to switch over or not. For the extended time being, it's really a 'no', because I have an awful lot of paid time left on gargantsurprise. It's fine, though, because if crossposting works then it's all for the good, isn't it. NO ONE WILL BE DENIED. ♥

• I dyed my hair today. Or rather, I went to my mum's and she did it for me. It was to get the red out, because... well, of a few reasons, really. One reason, though, is that I have my work training on Thursday. Training to clean caravans, hahaha. BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO BE QUITE COMPLEX, I AM SURE. But regardless, for this job and any better I'm able to attain, I'm not going to be able to wear a hat! sob forever. And I honestly don't have the inclination to dye my hair every three or four weeks, and so we are back to default. This paragraph seems a bit all over the place.

That training, incidentally, will have me getting up at... probably about 5.30am. It'll take me a few hours, through public transport, to reach my workplace, and then from there we're driving to the actual training destination. It's going to be a long and frustratingly dull day, I think. Unfortunately, most everyone in my family (and in particular, my dad) has been treating me like pond scum ever since I became employed, and it's really killing any drive I have to even bother.

To clarify, of course I will bother. Just, gah. LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

• I have decided that I am going to download House. Or at least the first two seasons. I used to watch it with my Mum, back when it was first being broadcast in the UK, and we used to really enjoy it. Now, lately, when I go to visit her, we catch whatever episode FiveUSA happens to be showing that afternoon. It's been delightfully nostalgic, and it really is quite a good show. SO, that is my plan.

Whether I'll download past that, into material I haven't previously seen? I'll decide when I get to it, methinks. Who knows how quickly I'll even get around to watching this stuff, after all. MY EXCITING WORLD.

• Now, finally, I am going to post the (few) meme questions that I have done! Because heck knows they're overdue at this point. THE REST WILL BE DONE.... IN THE FUTURE....

So...! There are OC's in here, because I'm a jerk. We have... Code Geass (WHICH CHARACTER COULD THIS BE?), Double Arts, Eastenders (HAHAHAHA), Immortal Rain, Original Character('s), Revolutionary Girl Utena, Star Ocean: Till The End Of Time, Tales of Destiny, Tales of Symphonia, Tales of the Abyss, Tekken, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann & World of Warcraft (original).

( QUESTIONS ARE GO )

And that is all I have for now, and this update is quite long enough already. THE QUESTION IS, WILL THIS POST TO LIVEJOURNAL OR NOT. LET'S FIND OUT....

edit; Looks like it worked fine!