gekigengar gargant III!!! (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
aestivalis) wrote2010-03-16 09:02 pm
aestivalis) wrote2010-03-16 09:02 pm
Entry tags:
not an interesting update
I wasn't gone long at all, barely more than a day. 'Gone' in this context amounts to 'not on the internet', so really, where am I getting this need to update?
Except, I think I know where. It's still under my skin. I had my Health & Safety training yesterday. I actually arrived two hours early, ahaha, and wasn't left to my own devices. Ended up trailing around pointlessly looking at caravans and suchlike, it was quite awkward and uninformative. I'm grateful that they tried to find something for me to do with my mistaken time but I'd have been more content if they'd left me alone with Chalion, hahah.
Anyway though, eventually the training actually started. It was fine, really, much more interesting than thursday and friday had been, and not so wasteful. However, a certain... ehhh, part of the video left a real impression on me. Part of the fire safety training, designed to make sure we would take it seriously, featured footage from this.
I don't think it's really left my mind since. The footage was from the day, the cameras and commentators there for the match slowly becoming coverage of the disaster as it unfolded. It was terrifying. I don't even know how to explain the clip, and how reading that wikipedia page. gets to me. It really gets inside me, I can't deal with it at all. I was sitting there watching this footage, surrounded by my colleagues, and trying to just watch it in an impartial way and not let it in. Then it showed a man stumbling to the pitch, on fire, and an elderly woman trying to climb free, and I just swore. I just, I don't even know, I just swore loudly and ducked my head and said "I can't watch any more of this".
Fucking god damn it. I take fire seriously already, I promise, fucking warn me next time you're going to show me footage of people dying. That wikipedia article fucking makes it explicit. It says that someone reached the pitch, aflame from head to foot, and they died. The video went on to talk about a number of people going down a thin corridor to escape, only to find the fire exit locked. They died in there.
I can't stop thinking about it. It was in my mind last night, it's been with me today, and frankly I'm amazed that I didn't nightmare about it. I want to believe that typing about it here might get some of it out. That just makes me feel selfish and sick. I just want to stop thinking about it, and that makes me feel like a selfish sick person.
Of course, I'm logical enough to get that that's a foolish way to feel. I should really content myself with the fact I didn't get in any kind of trouble for disrupting the video. It was all but over by that point anyway, I just sat there with my eyes on the ground and my shoulders hunched, and no one said anything to me for a while. We got on to reporting accidents, things got better.
I was going to update with some stuff about Code Geass and Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, you know, but. I think, really, I just want to make this update and leave these words expressed and behind. Selfish & sick, foolish thoughts.
Except, I think I know where. It's still under my skin. I had my Health & Safety training yesterday. I actually arrived two hours early, ahaha, and wasn't left to my own devices. Ended up trailing around pointlessly looking at caravans and suchlike, it was quite awkward and uninformative. I'm grateful that they tried to find something for me to do with my mistaken time but I'd have been more content if they'd left me alone with Chalion, hahah.
Anyway though, eventually the training actually started. It was fine, really, much more interesting than thursday and friday had been, and not so wasteful. However, a certain... ehhh, part of the video left a real impression on me. Part of the fire safety training, designed to make sure we would take it seriously, featured footage from this.
I don't think it's really left my mind since. The footage was from the day, the cameras and commentators there for the match slowly becoming coverage of the disaster as it unfolded. It was terrifying. I don't even know how to explain the clip, and how reading that wikipedia page. gets to me. It really gets inside me, I can't deal with it at all. I was sitting there watching this footage, surrounded by my colleagues, and trying to just watch it in an impartial way and not let it in. Then it showed a man stumbling to the pitch, on fire, and an elderly woman trying to climb free, and I just swore. I just, I don't even know, I just swore loudly and ducked my head and said "I can't watch any more of this".
Fucking god damn it. I take fire seriously already, I promise, fucking warn me next time you're going to show me footage of people dying. That wikipedia article fucking makes it explicit. It says that someone reached the pitch, aflame from head to foot, and they died. The video went on to talk about a number of people going down a thin corridor to escape, only to find the fire exit locked. They died in there.
I can't stop thinking about it. It was in my mind last night, it's been with me today, and frankly I'm amazed that I didn't nightmare about it. I want to believe that typing about it here might get some of it out. That just makes me feel selfish and sick. I just want to stop thinking about it, and that makes me feel like a selfish sick person.
Of course, I'm logical enough to get that that's a foolish way to feel. I should really content myself with the fact I didn't get in any kind of trouble for disrupting the video. It was all but over by that point anyway, I just sat there with my eyes on the ground and my shoulders hunched, and no one said anything to me for a while. We got on to reporting accidents, things got better.
I was going to update with some stuff about Code Geass and Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, you know, but. I think, really, I just want to make this update and leave these words expressed and behind. Selfish & sick, foolish thoughts.